Saturday, August 3, 2013

Fatigued



To start this off, since I put it up on Amazon Kindle Direct (if I'm reading the reports right) five people have purchased my ebook (presumably friends and family). I'm a little bit pleased. Five is better than none. A friend suggested I look into print on demand paper backs for those like her (and myself, admittedly) who still prefer to read real books, so I'm doing that too.

I'm using Create Space, another Amazon partner. I was pretty confident in the editing when it came to the ebook (I've gone over and over this particular work, and I'm honestly no slouch in the spelling and grammar department.), but when it came to the print book, I panicked a little bit and decided to spend the money to order a physical proof I could go over rather than just using the free digital proof (including shipping, it was around $7 for this service). I just want to make sure it looks like a real book, I guess. 

I've thought a lot about why I wrote this particular story, why I still love it, and why it is one of the few pieces that, even years after I penned it, still resonates with me. A lot of things I write due to some fleeting need or fascination but when I've recovered from the writing process, I look back over them and whatever was the driving force has been expelled and now it is just a bunch of so so words. These two stories, especially "The Ordinary Knight" still satisfy something within me years later. I will probably eventually devote a post to explaining why this story and these characters mean something to me, but for now, I'm still just overwhelmed with a kind of anxious, counterproductive energy that is really making it hard for me to move onto other stories I had planned to be writing. 

I thought that once I got it out there in one form or another, I would feel like I had done all I could and I could just sit back and forget about it, maybe checking every so often on the off chance that someone had purchased it and maybe reviewed it or something cataclysmic like that. Instead I keep going back and looking at the settings on my Kindle Direct account, longing for something to tweak.  I check reports, seeing if any new copies have sold. I sit down to work on something else and instead find myself staring at the cover art I made, wondering if I should've looked into hiring a professional and if that mistake will come back to bite me. 

Yesterday was the worst. Yesterday I didn't really have the energy to tackle anything and the few chores I did get done really felt like chores. All I wanted to do was sit and zone out because if I didn't even feel capable of thinking. 

I forced myself to get a few things done, but we did end up having pizza for dinner. 

Anyway, now for something completely unrelated. . .

Claire's favorite thing in the house at the moment is her sister's step stool. She likes to steal it and climb up to get whatever she wants from the counters. I've caught her wandering around the house with a box of cheez-its she definitely was not supposed to be able to get to, for instance.

Here are some shots of her showing off her climbing ability:






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