The H. L. Burke Random Interview is not like other interviews. The questions are all over the place. They have no purpose. Their purpose is their lack of purpose.There are nine questions because cats, but these nine questions are subject to change without notice, so the questions one person answers may not be the questions answered by the next author.
We hear a jingle of many silver bells and a sleigh appears on the horizon, pulling our next author, Kristen Kooistra!
Congratulations! You are now president of this blog post. What's your first executive order?
A: I’d like a poofy pillow and some gooshy food delivered for my fluffy counterpart, Kota. What’s that? Meooooooowwwww. Okay, she says she also wants the little girl sneaking cookies in the corner to spend the rest of the interview petting her. She also wants some of the cookies.
Who is your fictional best friend and what activities do you choose to do together?
A: I have no fictional best friend. I live a solitary fictional existence where there’s nothing but me and the quiet emptiness. Kind of like being in Narnia before Aslan’s song. It’s nice here . . . peaceful. There’s a decided lack of children demanding attention and cats insisting on pett—OW! I take it back. This place is horrible without Kota.
Can you simply walk into Mordor?
A: Definitely not. Haven’t you heard? There’s not just orcs there. Some freaky eye thing is watching everything and I’m pretty sure you’d need at least 10,001 men to even attempt it. It’d be folly otherwise.
Describe your life (or writing) as a film genre.
A: I’m calling dibs on family comedy. Little kids give me the best stories to share. And that’s not even taking into consideration my siblings or my inlaws *looks around nervously* They’re not watching, right?
If you had a store, what would you sell?
A: Sanity for parents who have to deal with their kids, other people’s kids, and other adults who are in need of the second item my store sells—Manners.
If you had to get stuck inside a television show, what would it be?
A: My Little Pony(assuming I could take my oldest with me). She’d go crazy. We could take some selfies with all of the ponies. Maybe she could even get a ride if our animated selves were the right size. And nothing would kill us. Living is a good thing.
Where’s my supersuit!?!?!?!?
A: Frogsticks. I knew I forgot something. *leaves for a minute* Kota clicks her claws on the floor. *rushes back in with a big gaudy hot pink and lime green wrapped box* Found it! The supersuit of your dreams, just as you ordered. Customized special and everything.
During an alien invasion, what would be your weapon of choice?
A: Is this a real question? Because I’m sure lightsaber is the only valid answer any SANE person would make.
If you could combine any two animals to make a hybrid, what would they be?
A: A whale in a unicorn! *Kota waves paw and gives a cryptic meow* Wait, what are you-- *a giant plume of purple smoke flashes in the center of the blog post* Holy fudge and pumpernickel! When did you learn magic? *smoke fades and there in all of its glory is my dream creature*
YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! THAT’S INSANE!!!
If this question were any question in the world, what question would you want it to be and how would you answer it?
A: If this question were any question in the world, it would be, “What question would you want it to be and how would you answer it?” BAM! Didn’t see that coming, did you?