Random Interview Saturday! Jennifer Arntson

The H. L. Burke Random Interview is not like other interviews. The questions are all over the place. They have no purpose. Their purpose is their lack of purpose.
There are nine questions because cats, but these nine questions are subject to change without notice, so the questions one person answers may not be the questions answered by the next author.
Today's author dances in on her way to Mordor, but decides to stop and answer our questions.
Welcome Jennifer Arntson!

Jennifer Arntson

Author Bio

Author, dreamer, and sworn enemy of Caillou

Jennifer Arntson has a long history of crafting tales that people find unbelievable, but often true. As an observer of human and social development through the ages, a curiosity of faith, and dedication to the underprivileged of the developing world, Jennifer finds her creative outlet in stories and fables. She lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband and two children, and a mini-farm of otherwise useless animals where the family eagerly caters to their every need.

The Interview

If you had a store, what would you sell?
I would sell ice cream. An ice cream shop is a place people come to take refuge from the heat, to celebrate something special, or just spend time with someone they enjoy. You can’t really go wrong with ice cream, unless you’re lactose intolerant, in which case I’ll serve you cake!
Sum up your life in five words and two punctuation marks.
That cannot be real! Seriously?
Your life is being made into a movie. Who plays you? Who plays your love interest? (or who plays your arch-enemy?)
I would like to be played by a witty Jessica Alba. My husband (my all time favorite love interest), would be played by a young Bruce Willis in denim cargo shorts and a dark t-shirt.
Did you bring me anything?
Did you bring ME anything?
Vs movies seem to be all the rage. If you had to put one together, what on screen match up would you like to see?
Dexter Morgan vs. Joffrey Baratheon (I think we all know who’d win…)
Write me some Vogon Poetry (for those not in the know, Vogon poetry is so awful you'll want to rip your ears off and eat them. It's considered a method of torture in many corners of the galaxy. So give us your worst).
There in your torrid ear
Is a sound worse than the aye-aye balk
Feel it gnaw on the sebum
Licking the wounds of your
Shittah splinter
It weeps as a skitter
While the slagger drinks
The life of the skiddy-cock within
Do not be fooled, viper
This is no dream
Can you simply walk into Mordor?
No, but you can dance.

Favorite flavor (of what? EVERYTHING!)?

What method do you suggest for dealing with dragons?
Send someone else.

If this question were any question in the world, what question would you want it to be and how would you answer it?

What’s your mantra?

Everyday above ground is a good one, unless you’re a mole on a starving feral cat farm.

Jennifer Arntson

(author) @JennArntson
(characters) @Una_Ashlund @Cal_of_Ashlund @Mar_of_Ashlund
Scavenger Girl Season of Atchem ISBN 978-0-9994-133-0-2