Random Interview Saturday! Kyle Robert Shultz

DISCLAIMER
The H. L. Burke Random Interview is not like other interviews. The questions are all over the place. They have no purpose. Their purpose is their lack of purpose.
There are nine questions because cats, but these nine questions are subject to change without notice, so the questions one person answers may not be the questions answered by the next author.

A noise like thunder echoes in the distance. Over the hilltop rushes a stampede of loosely bound paper manuscripts, pages flying in the wind. Behind them, swirling a lasso and trying to round them up, comes our next author: Kyle Robert Shultz!


Kyle Robert Shultz

Author bio:


Kyle Robert Shultz began writing in his early teens after being bitten by a radioactive book. As a Christian, he strives to write fiction that is entertaining and wholesome, but devoid of overt “messages” or agendas. He lives in the wilds of southern Idaho, removed far enough from civilization to keep humanity safe should any of his rough drafts break through the electric fence. Aside from writing, his other passions are worship music, digital art, horseback riding, and raising miniature sheep.


The Interview


When cats take over the world, how do you plan to win their good graces?
By pretending to be completely susceptible to the mass-hypnosis-via-cat-memes-and-videos plot which is even now taking place. I will swear allegiance to the feline overlords and rise in the ranks until I am the official liaison between them and the human race. In the meantime, I will organize and train a secret army of dogs to attempt a coup. Naturally, this coup will fail, but it will also create a global cat-vs.-dog apocalypse. I will then take advantage of the resulting chaos and seize control of the world for myself.
Best writing tool: pen, pencil, keyboard, or crayon?
Crayon, definitely. You can easily switch on the fly from ordinary writing to communicating the story through expressive stick-figure drawings. Great strategy when your brain gets stuck in perpetual adverb mode.
What's your sign? Mine is that one that warns you to watch for falling cows.
Mine says to beware of vampire aardvarks.
You approach a wooden door at the end of a long, dark passage. It is big and heavy. A strange warmth radiates from the wrought-iron handle. You hear a strange noise rising through it. What's on the other side and what do you do?
Long dark passage with creepy noises to scare away intruders? Sounds like the perfect writing retreat. I’d buy it and move in. I presume the heat and the noises come from a dragon, which I would adopt and train to fly me triumphantly over the rooftops, spewing flame and wreaking havoc.
If you could enter any fictional world, which would you choose?
Gallifrey. I want my own TARDIS. Better yet, a whole fleet of TARDISes.
Heads or Tails?
Tails. They improve balance and can act as an additional grappling appendage. Heads are too full of thoughts and ideas and worries and self-criticisms.
If you could combine any two animals to make a hybrid, what would they be?
An armadillo and a moose. Just imagine. The impenetrable armor of the armadillo, plus the size and the antlers of the moose. TREMBLE BEFORE MY MOOSEADILLO.
What method do you suggest for dealing with dragons?
Figure out how to become one yourself and join them.
If this question were any question in the world, what question would you want it to be and how would you answer it?
“Would you like a lifetime supply of jelly beans?” “Why yes, I would. Thank you very much.”

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