Random Interview Saturday! Roy M. Griffis!


The H. L. Burke Random Interview is not like other interviews. The questions are all over the place. They have no purpose. Their purpose is their lack of purpose.

There are nine questions because cats, but these nine questions are subject to change without notice, so the questions one person answers may not be the questions answered by the next author.

Apparently the next author biked in ... he's probably in much better shape than I am. It's Roy M. Griffis! 

Author Biography

Born in Texas City, TX, the son of a career Air Force meteorologist.  Attended a variety of schools at all of the hot spots of the nation, such as Abilene, Texas and Bellevue, Nebraska.

            Sent to my grandparent’s house in Tuscon, Arizona when things were tough at home.   I was pretty damn lost, as my grandparents were largely strangers to me.  My older brother, a more taciturn type, refused to discuss what was going on.  Fortunately, like so many kids before me, I was rescued by literature.  Or, at least, by fiction.  In a tiny used bookstore that was just one block up from a dirt road, I discovered that some good soul had unloaded his entire collection of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ “John Carter of Mars” series in Ballantine Paperback.  Moved by some impulse, I spent my RC Cola money on the first book, “A Princess of Mars.”

            I think what struck me was how these books were possessed of magic:  they were able to transport me far from this dusty land of relatives who I didn’t know and other relatives pretended not to know me to another dusty land of adventure, heroism, nobility, and even love.  It was the first magic I’d encountered that wasn’t a patent fraud, and when I closed the stiff paperback with the lurid colors on the cover, I decided it was the kind of magic I wanted to dedicate the rest of my life to mastering.  And, thus, I was saved.

            Since then, I’ve never looked back.  I’ve written poems, short stories (twice runner-up in the Playboy college fiction contest), plays (winning some regional awards back East and a collegiate Historical Playwriting Award), and screenplays.  I’m a member of the WGAw, with one unproduced screenplay sold to Fox Television.

            Along the way, I’ve done the usual starving artist jobs.  Been a janitor, a waiter, a clerk in a bookstore.  I was also the 61st Aviation Rescue Swimmer in the Coast Guard (all that Tarzan reading wasn’t wasted).  I’m also not a bad cook, come to think of it.

            Currently, I’m a husband, father, and cat-owner.  I’m an avid bicyclist and former EMT.  I live in Southern California with my lovely wife.  My friends call me “Griff,” my parents call me “Roy,” and my college-age son calls me “Dadman.”  It’s a good life.

The Interview

If you had a store, what would you sell?
Dreams that come true

Write me some Vogon Poetry (for those not in the know, Vogon poetry is so awful you’ll want to rip your ears off and eat them. It’s considered a method of torture in many corners of the galaxy. So give us your worst).
See how the night comes
On tentacles of existential terror
Torturing us with the unanswerable query
What is man and what doth women want?
But, nay, I dare not tell thee, of this I beg
For I must know which came first,
The chicken or the egg?

What weather is your writing? A dark and stormy night? A sunshiny day?
My writing is like the weather.  Global Warming?  Climate Change?  Er, what is the correct term these days?  It goes dark and stormy until the sun breaks out when it will.  There are droughts and floods, sowing in the dawn, harvesting by the light of a gravid moon, raging against the inexorable tides of  fate and still choosing to go on in spite of them.  (I’d like to think it’s rarely as pretentious as the answer I just offered)

I know exercise is good for me, but it is not entertaining. What methods do you suggest for making workouts more fun?
A margarita machine in the gym in place of Gatorade.

When cats take over the world, how do you plan to win their good graces?
By offering my trademark pending “Cat Chiropractic” services.  My feline overlords swear by it.

Which of the following potions would you like to possess: a Love Potion or a Sleeping Potion?
Oooh, tough call.  Love potion would have been handy when I was younger, but now a Sleeping Potion would put me in a better mood for de loves, so I’d go with that.

What's your sign? Mine is that one that warns you to watch for falling cows.
“Strictly no refunds.”  If this is all we get (debatable), then enjoy it to the fullest.

You approach a wooden door at the end of a long, dark passage. It is big and heavy. A strange warmth radiates from the wrought-iron handle. You hear a strange noise rising through it. What's on the other side and what do you do?
On the other side is a human-sized rabbit wearing an apron and a kindly expression, standing by a stove with an oven beneath.
.  “Are you Welsh?” she asks.
 “Yes, ma’am,” I answer.   
Opening the oven, she says thoughtfully “You’ll make a nice rarebit.”
Thinking quickly, I confuse the giant, ravenous rodent by throwing my voice, so it sounds like there is a wild broccoli loose in the pantry.  While she is distracted, I make my getaway, vowing to be more cautious of the lop-eared fiends in the future.

Best trilogy (of books, movies, three course meals, your choice)?
Best cold morning trilogy:  Coffee, warm chocolate croissant, and a book you can’t put down. 

If this question were any question in the world, what question would you want it to be and how would you answer it?
Q:  “Damn, Griff, how did you get so awesome, and can I have your phone number?”
A:  “Ah, shucks…”

Connect with the Author


My “By the Hands of Men” series.


BTHOM2: https://www.amazon.com/Hands-Men-Book-Two-Flames/dp/1492849278/



  1. Awesomeness interview & I actually like the poem 🤣🤣

    1. Thank you, ma'am, but if you like the poem, apparently I am not a true Vogan.


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